Studying sucks

I feel like I've given my all, but I just aint getting what I want. It gets frustrating, but its hard to break away. Do I try again and again at something which seems hopeless, or should I just let go and start all over again? I dont wanna look back a few years down the road and regret what I did, but I know I will.

I'm so fucking behind in my studies. They say to be consistent is the key, and no, I havent been at all consistent. Not even close. There are times when I am behind 5 weeks of lectures and tutorials, and I cram like mad when it comes to tests and exams. It sucks big time. The stress, anxiety, midnight oil.. Its not worth it. The semester is just starting, and already I'm lagging behind big time. How do those China and India people do it? They read ahead of the lectures, they ask questions out of the scope, they present their answers like a pro. Maybe its because they dont worry about relationships or life like we do.

Studying sucks big time. I feel like I could just give up and go to sleep...

Happy Chinese New Year

Hi everyone,
Here's wishing all of you a very Happy New Year!

May all our wishes come true and may we get lots of red packets!

Stay tuned!

Pervertic uncles

Girls, have you ever been in a situation where you're just walking along the pavement and some pervertic guy calls out to you loudly from his car? By car, I mean van or lorry or truck. No offence to those people reading this who happens to drive one of the above. I'm just talking about the black sheep. By "call out to you", I mean catcalls, whistles, or screaming some funny words which do not sound fit for a lady.

It happened to me today(not only today though) and I was dressed casually in t-shirt(not tight) and jeans(not tight) and slippers. I usually do not give a damn about it, maybe the occassional stare at the pervert until his glance drops away.

Today, I was in a super foul mood. Some guy with those pick-up truck with some hokkien song blaring from his radio shouted something which sounded like "xiao jie, qu na ni"(miss, where are you going?) I kept on walking when the truck stopped at the red light, which was some distance in front of me. Great, what nice timing. The pervert continued with some other lines which I wont bother putting it in chinese, but it translated to something like "Dont be shy.. Come make friends.. Leave me your number so I can call you.. " The fact that I was holding a file in my hand, showing signs that I'm a student, did not deter him. He was an ugly-looking man, forty plus, with a big mole somewhere on his face. Probably had hair growing out of it. He was probably the kind of ass that got a thrill out of shouting at girls walking by and embarrassing them.

But today was not my turn to be embarrassed by a disgusting pervert. It was his.

I shouted at him(in Chinese because I doubt the dumbo understands english), "You want me to call police is it? I already got your license plate number." I ended my outburst by giving him the finger and shouting "fuck you!". I think the look on his face was that of shock. Maybe, out of the hundreds of women he catcalled to, finally there was one who threatened to call the police. I couldnt get a chance to see how he would react because then it was the green light and the disgusting man in the disgusting truck sped off.

Girls, next time, if you are feeling brave, and some guy makes you feel uncomfortable with his comments, give him the finger. Take down his license number. It doesnt matter if you are clad in little clothes because no guy has the right to do that. Threaten to call the police. They should be the one who is embarrassed. Should they come out of the car though and there's no one around you, RUN!

I took the plunge

All the while you were away, I kept thinking if you were okay..
No calls.. no messages.. only an email on the day you were coming back..
If you have no idea how it feels, dont ask me not to start questioning..
You said you had to be cruel to be nice.. then dont even message me..
Dont message me only to tell me "dont start" when the only mistake I made was worry for someone who does not even know the word worry..

I took the plunge.

I'm moving on.

Dont spoil it for me.

Home

I'm back home.. and it feels cosy as usual. This is a picture of my new hair.. brown with red highlights. You cant really see from here, but the red apparently seems a bit too red :p

Anyway it was fun hanging out with the girls. I learnt a new game called the Sims, which is a game where you built a house and create families and try to satisfy their wants and keep them alive. You can even make two girls make out. Cool huh?

                                                (Stella)

So far, my blog has been a depressing one. So to cheer you up, I'm gonna write on the cool things that have been happening around the world, plus it will increase your knowledge on the latest gossip.


Did you know:



Angelina Jolie will change the names of her two children to take on Brad Pitt's name. She is also pregnant with Pitt's child(bummer!). Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were divorced last October after four and a half years of marriage.

Lindsay Lohan had breasts implants and she is only 19! Check out her twin perks.

James Blunt's newest song"Goodbye my lover" was recorded in Carrie Fisher's bathroom. Ha! Carrie Fisher was princess Leia in Star Wars some many years ago. What a weird place to record a song.

Rapper Eminem and his former wife remarried on the 14th of Jan 2006, five years after an ugly divorce ruptured their turbulent relationship. This was a celebrity who at one point of time, hated her so much that he wrote a song on fantasizing about her death. Makes you wonder if she can sleep in peace at night..

The next time Eva Longoria gives you a present, act surpised. The Desperate Housewife has loads of sex toys stashed in her garage, and dishes them out as pressies to her mates. Say hello to more orgasms! Looks pretty doesnt she? Wanna know how she will look when she turns 65? Scroll down to see but be prepared!

Thats all the gossip for now. Sure hope you were entertained!

Infinite space

Dear all, big thanks to those who have been following my blog and offering me support. To keep myself occupied, I have been hanging out with my closest friends for the past couple of days at their hall. I also revamped my hair with a new colour complete with highlights and it burnt a biggggggggg hole in my tiny pocket. Giving myself some space has been the best thing I've done so far. I do feel better now :)

Here are some things I would like to do/achieve as part of my resolution to make myself happy:

• eat loads of chocolates

• see Green Day live(Backstreet boys are coming to town by the way. Anyone planning to see them? Hope not!)

• make myself into miss smary pants

• watch more "friends"

• a day with Brad Pitt(Yea baby!)

I'll write more when I get home. Stay tuned!

I want my life back

My heart flutters everytime my phone beeps. Its not you. You promised to call. Its already Tuesday. You were back there enjoying yourself while I'm here alone picking up the remaining shreds of whatever we have left. Just a message, which will take you like ten freaking seconds, is enough for me. But no, you choose to ignore the people who care about you. Now I'm just worried to death if you're okay.

You talked to me about assurance. Going to your place to tell you how sorry I was didnt make you give in, even though I didnt do anything majorly wrong. You never like calling or messaging me often. It is as if doing so will spoil your ego which is one of the biggest I've ever seen.

You wanted me to be understanding. Havent I been? You asked me to give in when I wanted to stay with you a little longer. Do you remember how you reacted that night? I dont even know how to put it in words here about what happened. And you said you apologised to me a million times. Is sulking like a baby and telling me not to call you after that apologising? I was still there for you when you go, even though you ended the call by hanging up.

There is only a limit to how much one can take. Dont fucking test how much I can take. I have already done enough for you. In fact, I have done too much. So dont talk to me about assurance. Dont ask me to be cool when you treat me like a dirt bag. I made a promise to myself that this year, I'm going to make an effort to be happy. And I will. I wont let anyone bring me down the way you did.

It is time to get my life back...

The pleasures of shopping

Its Sunday. My body clock is back to being messed up. I've been pretty inactive for the whole day, spending most of my time sleeping. The most exercise I had was in the morning, when a brown creature crawled onto my arm when I was putting on lipstick. I started jumping around violently, in the hopes of shaking it off, as I had absolutely no desire to touch the damn thing. I looked like I was having spasms. At the same time, I let out a shrill scream. My watch and lipstick cover went flying. It was a funny sight really. The bug looked like a cockroach, but I've never seen a brown one before, only the disgustingly black ones. Fish came running in to see what the commotion was all about.. I was still jumping haha! I made sure he checked my bag to make sure it hadnt flew in. Argh! Gross! I hate beetles and cockroaches. I wonder how those people on fear factor can stomach eating them. I have no guts to even touch them, let alone eat them.

On my way home, I did some shopping. I popped into Watsons to check if their sale was still on. It was! I walked around and ended up buying things I didnt need. Girls! :) I stopped by the bookstore for some stationary. John Little certainly saw a lot of me as I spent more than half an hour in the store trying on jeans, bras and underwear. Haha! I know I'm not supposed to try on underwear but it was sold as a set of five plus it had four different sizes so I wanted to be sure. I sure hope you're not eating when you're reading this. :p It even came with its own wisdom message(see attached pic). Cool! I left the store with more bags in my hands, making a mental note that this shall be the last day of the month I'm splurging like this.

When I reached home, I was drained. I ended up sleeping for 8 hours straight. Ahhh, the pleasures of shopping.. Time to hit the books! :(

Men

I used to find you sweet, caring and patient. I remembered the times I waited like a dumb ass for you to end work. Or I came over to your place to look for you. Tell me, when have you ever came to school to fetch me? When have you ever came over to my place for a simple reason like you missed me?

Nothing..

Yesterday, I saw a side of you that was so frightening. Feeling snug in my jacket from a special someone, I think about the people who truly cared about me. People who however mad at me, would never lash out at me for whatever reason.

I think about my best friends. I think about how happy we were together, the strongness of our friendship, knowing we would never hear words like "Lets move on" or "I dont want this anymore". Because true friends never desert us. The way they held on to their relationships when things get sour instead of just leaving, how they would rather try to work things out than give everything up.. We are all the same.. We have faith in our hearts that things would get better one day.

I admire them. Always so passionate and never giving up. People can say its a weakness, to fall too deeply, but I say, fuck the guy who doesnt deserve your love...

Me dating Jennifer Aniston

I met fish today and we had dinner at his place. Honey chicken.. Yummy.. No, we didnt cook it haha he bought it from cold storage. I got bored waiting for him to arrive with the groceries at the bus stop so I took a picture. Does the house look haunted? :p

There were some pretty good shows on tv. Nick of time and along came polly. Jennifer Aniston is hot! I wouldnt mind dating her just for the fun of it although I'm not sure what fish would think. I wouldnt mind dating her ex Brad Pitt too, though I'm not sure if Jennifer would allow me to do that. Ha! Yea, you're thinking its more like if he wants to. I would like to state for the record I'm not a lesbian ok? Haha.. totally straight..

First day in school was boring. I didnt go for my first lecture because there was a 4 hours break till my 6pm lecture plus the first lecture is webcasted(meaning I can watch it at home). Man, the 6pm lecture was long. It's on cybercrime. The lecturer was certainly an interesting man, though a bit draggy at times. His laughter was pretty contagious. You could really see that he enjoyed himself, not like some lecturers who looked like they were only there because they were paid to do so.

I had a great time today, only because fish made my day. I'm gonna miss you baby..

My virgin stick

School is starting tomorrow! I'm thinking of taking another module which brings my total number of modules to six. Anyway, I had a rough day. It sucks when the people you love hurt you. But I'm now learning to let go of the painful memories and focus on making myself happy. When something pisses me off, I try to take a moment to calm down and then just cast it out of my mind. Better to concentrate on the finer things in life then get upset over things that fuck up your life for no reason. There are some things in life I cannot change, and I'm now slowly coming to terms with that, and I'm moving on oh so slowly, but yes, its a baby step, but its enough for me..

I caught Elizabethtown the day before yesterday with fish. It stars Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom by the way. Its about how Orlando, a guy who thinks about committing suicide because he screwed up his shoe company, goes back to his home town because of his dad's death and along the way, falls in love with Kirsten Dunst(yes very long sentence). Since the story was concentrated on his dad's death, it was refreshing to see how they didnt make it into a sad weepy movie. I personally find Orlando Bloom's acting in this movie impressive.

Speaking of Kirsten Dunst, her role in this movie doesnt give her much of an opportunity to impress, but she certainly shines in Virgin Suicide. I remember watching that show with my friends Pei and Stella back in secondary school, and how we were so turned on by her acting in that movie. She smoked a lot in Virgin Suicide. So charmed were we that we bought our first pack of cigarettes right after the show, yes all because of Kirsten Dunst. Its funny, teenagers, how we were so easily influenced. I remembered trying my first stick at the stair case in Far East and how I didnt dare to suck the cigarette. Our virgin cigarette you may call it :) Those were the good old days.. when we girls did whatever things that pleases us.. Those were the carefree days..

Yes, I want to go back in time, I want to go back to sweet sixteen, when I was just happy little me :)

Rainy season is here

It has been raining all day long and I'm recovering from a flu :( I've been having some eyes bags or dark circles(dont really know which is which) recently so I just went Watson's and kinda splurged a bit. Well not really splurged, I'm still studying but the amount I spent was pretty much good self-indulgence for a student :). Watsons is having a 20 percent sale now, and for the pea-size brain people, no not on the new arrivals so grab all your essentials from there before the sale ends!

I've been thinking about my life pretty much lately. Oh no, do I sound old?? I'm thinking if I'm taking a path that is leading me to nowhere. For close friends reading this, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I didnt think about my life much when I was back in my secondary school days. I didnt think about what career I want to embark on in the future or how many kids I wanna have or what is the maximum age I want to get married. But now, it seems like I'm thinking of so many of these things that I feel like I'm a 21 year old trapped in the body of a 40 year old. Sounds scary? Yea, kinda sounds like a line from a ghost story.

Sometimes, I feel like being bold and just go ahead and change whatever parts of my life I'm not happy with. But I always hold back for god knows what reason. I'm sure many of us feel the same way. How many times have you stayed in a relationship where you know you deserve someone better? Or the times you feel so much like changing to another job because you dont find it fulfilling enough? Speaking from a student's point of view, have you ever choose to go to a school which really isnt what you had in mind but all your friends are going there? Or you took a subject/course just because of your friends? Its true, many of us are afraid of changes. We so much want to take a step forward and do something we really want to, but we dont want to do so in an environment that is unfamiliar. Lets face it, we're afraid to be alone. Like it or not, this is one of the main reason why many of us choose a path we dont want to take. We girls just cant seem to leave the guy that makes us cry all the time.

Maybe if we were all bolder enough, there wouldnt be so much unhappiness in this world. Maybe if there wasnt such a word called loneliness, I would be doing things in my life that I really love. Maybe its just the rainy season cranking me up..

Hungry for food

Its almost two am now.. I'm at fish's and I'm feeling hungry! Just ordered macdonalds for us.. Pigs we are heehee. The guy said the food will arrive within one hour and a half, man hope it doesnt take long to come or I might just starve to death. There's some funny show on cable which I've seen quite a few times.. They really need to start showing other shows for all the money that people are paying. Man, I'm complaining too much here.. I'm sure you guys have got more serious problems than these. Will blog more when I have more things to talk about. Tata!

Messed up body clock

Today I sat at the bus stop for some time waiting for fish to arrive. It has been a cold day, but the air does smell fresher just after it rains. It's a boring day for me, my body clock is all messed up. I slept at ten am and woke up at six pm, yikes. I head its not healthy to sleep at odd hours but does it really matter when you have sufficient sleep? Hee hee I dont know.. I'm wishing for a cup of hot chocolate right now :p even though I'm sipping tea. My slacking days are going to be over starting from next week. Hate moments like this, when you know you've just had a break and once its over, its going to be like hell. Enjoy your weekends everyone!

The dark moments in our lives

Have you ever been through a really bad time, be it a bad relationship, flunking your studies or stress at work and feel like maybe life's just not fair to you? I have felt that way many times, and though I have tried hard to make certain things go my way, they just dont. I have struggled through many dark moments in my life last year and I'm glad to have made it to this year alive. Woohoo!

Sometimes, when things dont go our way, its not always our fault. Ever feel like giving up when you and your partner seem to be getting into fights frequently? Or no matter how hard you slough away at work, you just dont seem to get the credit you deserve? We've all been there at some point in our lives. Dont despair, if you've been pushing yourself too hard and not giving yourself a break, its time to love yourself. Give yourself the long bath you always thought you dont have time for, splurge on the bag you've been eyeing for some time, chill out a cafe with a cup of coffee and your favourite magazine.

School's starting next wk for me, and I've been feeling the pressure to do well for my next semester. I got an academic warning for my last semester cause I didnt do well. I was struggling with a stormy relationship which didnt leave me enough time for my studies. For all those tuning in to my blog, I know exactly how it feels like to battle the demons in our lives. Have faith, and always remember to leave some time for yourself. For those who have found the motivation to keep you going through everyday smiling, good for you! For others out there just like me who is still struggling to find true happiness in your lives, may the year 2006 be good to us! Happy belated belated new year! :p

Stella's birthday

These are some of the pics taken on Stella's birthday. Her birthday was on 19th dec, but we celebrated for her on the 18th. I know the date is a bit far back, but I thought I'll put some pics on my blog just to get things started. We went town, where we had dinner at Swensons. We got a free ice cream because it was her birthday. Cool huh? Below are more pictures of Stella's birthday.

(In order: Pei, Me and Stella)

I've known these friends since my secondary school days. A quick mental count tells me I've known them for 7-8 years. Its amazing how our friendship is still so strong after all these years. Gonna miss them though when sch starts. Thats when our personal commitments do not allow us to meet up that often. Nevertheless, cant wait for next vacation to come!